Get it done. You will thank me for this. Living in between thoughts doesn’t work. As long as there’s or there has been unresolved issues, you can never really move on in life completely. Unconsciously, it will destroy your self worth, your confidence and your moral. Especially if the parent in question were never part of your life or part of your upbringing and only turned up later in life when you are big enough to understand the worth of having both parents in your life. Imagine growing from infancy to adolescent without having uttered a word Papa”, Daddy or Father” from your mouth, as there we’re no one to call such. Imagine all the strive, hardships, lack and want, bullying from school without any one to run to. Only one day someone to turned up at your doorstep or on a social media platform claiming that he or she is the missing part of your life that you never had. From that word-go, you are excepted to understand, forgive, embrace and move on, after all the explanation, tears and apologies.
Okay, That’s right.
But, above all of these things, there are certain things that cannot be restored. The absenteeism in foundational bonding, grooming and upbringing over the years. As there won’t be any memories, references to go back to, that could serve as a structural pillars of the new-founded relationship.
At times we make our conclusion in life and think that we are able to move on, hence we are old enough to take care of ourselves. That’s right.
At times a thought can cross your mind and leave you with some questions, and then you may brush it off quickly from your mind as you would not want your parents to suspect anything that could bring uneasiness in the family.
That’s right.
At times, we leave the importance aspect out of the picture in order to keep the peace and pleasing others. It doesn’t work. Some days we might be troubled by some details and then remain silent as we would not want to be regarded as a family trouble makers or home-wreckers or non-forgivers, so we opt to remain silent.
At times, deep down we feel and know that something does not sit well with us pertaining to our identification or our whereabouts, but it feels so awkward to bring up the DNA issue, in fearing that our parents might feel grieved, ashamed, humiliated or mistrust
That’s right.
To protect your parents dignity it’s fine. But, the reality of the matter is not about our parents, nor is it about us.
It is all about the generation to come.
- A generation that will be based on lies, deceit or on unclarity (“to make it sound better or respectful”
- A generation that will not know their whereabouts.
- A generation that will face identify crises (as those who were suppose to clear the matter covered up the important details to protect their image for their own selfish reasons.
- A lonely and despair generation without a direction, background, or reference.
Know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
After all the covered up and all the pretense, as much as the victim tries to understand, take all the efforts in consideration and all the shame that could come to him/her and parents in question, genuine forgiveness comes from clarify. The victim needs all the possible answers to receive clarity in order to get to the solution that will bring about total healing, acceptance and authentic forgiveness.
The only solution to do with paternity or maternity denial, without much complications, is a DNA test. Real love cast out fear. If there is genuineness, authenticity, there won’t be fear, threats and cunning activities when carrying out the DNA test.
Get it done and move on. So that the air can be clean. Trust me DNA test feel scary, heavy, but it is worth it. It removes doubt totally and completely. It pave a way to a new chapter of life. If you think or feel unsettled in your heart, go for it. It is the best thing to do, for yourself and your lineage. Living in false hope is much more destructive and can have life long effects.
A paternal denial/betrayal can form a very strong foundation of identity crisis, loneliness, rejection and lost. It takes down the whole generation into (MD) Mental Displacement, lack of belonging, inferiority complex, low self esteem. Without proper explanation as to what had happened and why, healing at time can seems to be far fetch.
The most horrific and devastating thing that a paternal betrayal can do to a child, is to appear unforced or willingly in the life of a child, doubtfully acknowledging the fatherhood and without taking any responsibility disappearing in a thin air again without a trace of the fact. That can only intensify the double torture on mental health of that child, deepening the effects of false hope and deliberate rejection, with the “mean” intention to cause much deeper pain. But why? When a run-away parent ain’t sure if they want to be united with their children, then, they should hold their horses until they are double sure to face new responsibilities and, all that comes along. If they want to see if the child resemble them, they can do that from a distance, then, coming closer to a child, just to break and shattered an innocent soul’s hope of having a parent or being accepted or recognize into a new family. It hurt so bad to know you have a family, but unable to connect at much deeper level, especially if they were once from a distance or not known or kept away from you for some reasons, known to themselves.
Seriously, unclarified uncertainties, mistrust, fear of facing the reality from the parent(s) in question, can cause a great distress, confusion, anger, resentment and unforgiveness in a life of the rejected child, All ready “it is written” Parents should not provoke their children. It is better not to know the run-away parent at all, then to know that they have possibly parents somewhere and not able to connect with them. That increases the hurt and the longing to be closer to that parent(s) in question. Let alone if one keep seeing the other siblings being raised, spoiled, showered with all the good things, basic life essentials including love and education, while for one, it only remain a dream far fetch.
Hearing your fellow siblings calling the parent in question, Daddy, Papa, left to right from the distance, and all that you wish for, is to utter that word and hope it will fall on a hearing ear, with a pleasant response.
Run-away Parents
Finally, a word to the run-away parents, paternal denial or betrayal at the end of day, when the dust settled down, in whatever way, one should remember that the pain you cause in the life of that innocent life cut off the child from the whole bunch of family members from your side mostly from the (father side) as from the mother side are in rare cases. It is written “No man is an island”
Remember the damage you are causing in the life of this abandoned child, cut much deeper than you may think. You are forever and eternally cutting off, depriving the child from having an extended family, such as grandfather, grandmother, uncles, aunties, nieces, nephews, cousins and so on. As, the child will not be able to go to your family and introduce himself or herself as your child, to be recognized in that family as part of them.
Yet, families are part of God creation. Children born through their parents are entrusted with them, to lead and guide them through different stages of life. And if parents opt to abandon their responsibilities, how do they even pray? We all know of the High Power, where we all proceeded from, so how do we approach the throne of grace, what do we tell the Higher Power in our prayers up there, while we are deliberately ignoring the innocent devastated, crushed souls entrusted with us, that came into this world through us? How do we even pray?
How do we even go to bed with peace, not knowing if the innocent souls have roofs over their head or not ? Again how do we have our breakfast in the morning and proceed to work or with our normal daily routine freely without knowing if those soul(s) had something to eat during a day, or are in schools or under the bridges, somewhere?
All right, we are going to end here for today.
Before, I close off, I would like to share a sad thought that crossed my mind, while writing this article. While fighting, complaining, murmuring and lamenting over the paternal denial or betrayal or abandonment issue.
I just heard a soft voice from my inner being, whispering:
The children in the ”Orphanage Homes” They have no one to related to.
This is a topic for another day
As for now, my heart, well wishes and prayers goes out to them, and to all the abandoned, hurting, lonely, devastated children out there in the world.
Everything is naked before the Lord.There is nothing that we know, going through in this world that He doesn’t know. At His perfect time. He will take care of it.